Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
