I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
