You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
