Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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