drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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