I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
