his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
not ubering you a puppy
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
