first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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