I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
i think my cat just said my name.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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