Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Randomize
