i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
