I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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