i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize