just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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