We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
