Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
