forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
