im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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