i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Sorry about my life...
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
