life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
This house was built for laser tag.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
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