just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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