you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
