All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
