i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
