Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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