idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
