From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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