So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
