so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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