Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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