I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
