im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
