you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
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