At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
