come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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