the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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