I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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