honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
