I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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