best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize