he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
