Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
