The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
