I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
