like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
