Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
the liver wants what the liver wants
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Randomize
