I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
