I'm lost and stupid without you.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
