I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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