That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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