just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Houston, we have a blender
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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