Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
