I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
