I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
