I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
