My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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