just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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