Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Randomize
