Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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