Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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